Greeted this morning by a far-from-speedy chum, Mr G has decided to take this month at, well, a gastropod's gait.
Shakespeare mentioned snails some eleven times.
Most famously describing the schoolboy 'creeping like snail unwillingly to school'.
Tart-tongued Rosalind tells Orlando she'd rather be wooed by a snail than by him.
Because the snail comes complete with both his own house - and his destiny - horns, that dreaded, heavily freighted Shakespearean funny word.
But also very charmingly, in Venus and Adonis: