Doris! For goodness sake....

Always eager to keep up with kulcha and literature, Mr Gnome made a point of tuning in to tonight's Radio 4 interview with Nobel prize-winning novelist Doris Lessing.

Well on in her eighties, the determinedly grouchy Mrs Lessing was firing on all cylinders, making the most of a day that had clearly begun with an exit from the wrong side of her bed.

Was she honoured, delighted, humbled, thrilled to have received the world's most prestigious literary prize?

Was she heck.

Dismal Doris took every opportunity to snipe at the 'stupidity' of the prize givers, at the inanity of her citation and at the overblown swankiness of the whole jolly jamboree.

Mr Gnome was a wee bit taken aback.

Of modest literary pretensions, Mr G adores all forms of 'positive feedback'.

He still glows from his teacher's 'VG' scribbled in the margin of a schooldays essay.

What, he muses, could provide more positive feedback than a Nobel Prize?

The Archangel Gabriel dropping in at your next book-signing session?

Consequently, he's bemused and befuddled at La Lessing's seeming ingratitude.

And - don't faint, Doris - he has removed her name from his 'must read' list.

In short, a very big 'Tsk!' indeed for this delightfully grumpy old lady.

By the way, the prize is worth a cool-ish £763,000.