Just say gNO!

Mr Gnome, equable of temperament and cheery of outlook, views all human beings as potential chums.

He says: 'How dull the world would be if it were inhabited solely by me and my fellow-gnomes. Peaceful and industrious, no doubt. But lacking the oversized oomph, clatter and bang of the HBs!'

Needless to say, therefore, that Mr G has been totally consistent in pursuing an 'inclusive' agenda when it comes to human - gnome contacts.

'Want to push a wheelbarrow?' he queries. 'Join in, please do!'

'Yearning to dip a fishing rod into your garden pond? Be our guest!'

In short his message to the HBs is a breezy 'Make yourself at gnome!'

Imagine then the distress and confusion that has come upon him in recent days as a result of the following curious circumstance.

For some time Mr G has done a little light voluntary charitable work.

All, he thought, was going swimmingly - until he was gently, but firmly, asked to leave and not return.

Had a customer complained? No.

Had Mr G behaved in a manner to bring the organisation into disrepute? No.

Mr G's only offence was that of being himself.

The charity felt that his presence did not 'fit in' with its overall 'look' and 'image'.

With an overwhelming sense of tristesse, Mr G packed his wee bag and departed. Did he receive a gift, a card, a farewell pat on the pack. He did not.

Needless to say, his robustly optimistic nature has pulled him through this setback - and he continues blithely on his way.

But with a mite more mettle in his soul. And a banner unfurled.